AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
