someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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