i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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