3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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