He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
