She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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