i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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