just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
