hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
