I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
