i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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