I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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