you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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