life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
