i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
