I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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