He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
