i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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