Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
