the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
