totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
