if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
