a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
