people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
