Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
