i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So squirting runs in the family.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
