probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
