I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
