I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
