I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
