My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
