I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
