Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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