I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My ass is underappreciated
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
