I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
