everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
