I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
