there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
