Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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