I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
