I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
