There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
