is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
