Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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