Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
