i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
