nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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