watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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