I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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