Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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