Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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