I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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