In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
