Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
