she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
40s are totally the cure
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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