The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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