did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
