did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
