I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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