just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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