Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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